I just passed 32 years of sobriety this year, as I had my last drink on February 24th, 1994. I wrote a blog about my story if you are interested:
https://lnkd.in/eUe9RZy7
As I was reflecting on this anniversary, I texted my family, and I was congratulated on my accomplishment. “Wow!!! Amazing!!! So proud of you!” My son-in-law reacted, “As old as me." This had me reflect on the duration and the importance of the milestone. I wasn’t going to acknowledge it at first. I wasn’t going to say anything about the anniversary, and planned to just keep it to myself. But I am glad I did send that text. I then shared with my family that becoming sober was a good decision for me, and probably a great decision for all of them, too.
I went on to say, “I was a little angry" back then. My daughter Morgan will turn 30 this summer, and my daughter Hannah is 27. Part of my decision to stop drinking was based on the fact that I wanted to have kids, and I never wanted to be hungover for my kids. I wanted to be present and available. I still do.
Worse yet, alcohol allowed me an outlet for many of my feelings, but especially my anger. I remember how fun my dad used to be when he was drinking, and all the laughs. But I try to forget about him vomiting in the toilet when his father died, crying about how he never felt loved.
So yes, sometimes I was maybe more open and more loving, and maybe more fun when I was drinking. Yet other times, I was more aggressive, angrier, and an asshole. No one held me accountable, and everyone just laughed and gave me a pass because I was drunk. I did not know how to deal with my anger or what to do with it and my other feelings at the time. Put them away, don’t talk about them, be tough, be a man, be stoic, ...
By quitting drinking, I became a better husband, a better friend, a better man, and eventually, a better father. I had to learn that fear could be my friend, that hurt and sadness are OK, and that I could use my anger intentionally to get what I wanted. I did not have to prove myself all the time, be right all the time, win all the time, compete all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I love to compete. But my whole being and sense of value and worth are not dependent on winning at pool or darts.
I made a choice to be more fun, and to have more fun, and not to have fun and happiness be dependent on alcohol. It took some time, and it took me being aware of my fear, my hurt, and my anger. It has been a journey, one which I am blessed to be on, and I am grateful to have my loving family and friends along to support me.
I know more people are "sober curious" these days, so please feel free to reach out if you have any questions I can help answer.